There's just one thing that I need to feel before I walk away against my will.

This song's been stuck in my head for the past 2 days. You see, I decided to watch again the whole lot of Grey's Anatomy and I stumbled upon this song in one of the episodes in Season 2. It's the episode wherein Shepherd and Grey need to operate on an Asian girl but can't because she lost one of her "souls" so they brought in a shaman to perform a ritual to find it before the operation.

What does it mean to lose one of your souls? And exactly how many souls reside in one person? Maybe there's a soul for every organ in our body, and maybe there's also one for every emotion that we feel. If that's the case, then I think I might be losing one of my souls now. You see, there's been precious little to be happy about in my life in the past few weeks.

I buried 2 relatives last week. The last of my grandparents, my dad's mum, died 2 Saturdays after last. She was 100 years old and was already pushing towards 101 hadn't she died 5 days short of her birthday. Then on the Wednesday after last, we got a call from Cavite, saying that my Tita Linda died too. She's my mother's cousin and sister-in-law. We had to shuffle back and forth from Cavite to Quezon City almost everyday until we buried them last week.

I don't know what I'm hanging on to right now. To see people that I love ripped from my life that sudden made me think about what I have done with my life. It is not enough. Nothing I do will ever be enough for you, for anyone, for love.

The memory of this still reminds me of you.

Today was the second to the last day of the University Week Bazaar in DLSU Manila. Our organization, Liga Historia, consigned an accessories maker to showcase her products during the bazaar. So far we've earned quite a lot of money already but nothing had prepared us for this day. One of my friends, Kim (also a history major), decided to read tarot cards for people for only 10 bucks. Naturally, Mardane, Chelle and I signed up for it. While waiting for my turn, I went up to the History department and asked around about their masteral program. Turns out that if I wanted to pursue higher education, it would have to wait till the 2nd term of SY 07-08 because of all the requirements needed.

Back at the booth, I found myself sitting on a banig, waiting for Kim to read out my life for me. She asked me to pick one card out of the deck. I did, and i got The Fool. Turns out that it means that the card that i just picked depicts my personality. The Fool, as she explained, doesn't mean foolhardy or crazy at all. She said that, based on the card, I am nice to everybody (which is true), that I'm full of energy (which is also true), and that I'm very childlike (true true true). She also said that I tend to trust other people easily and treat everyone as if they were my close friends, something that could go bad in the long run. She laid more cards on the banig and after a few minutes, she told me that she had unraveled my life before her. She said that I'm quite hard-headed and stubborn, which can sometimes turn my child-like attitude into that of being childish. The Queen of Swords was also present, depicting that I have a quarrel or a long-standing dispute in the future with someone who has a very strong and controlling personality. According to my cards, my past was really good, as the Pleasure card popped out. She somehow saw that my family and friends were the ones who were going to catch me everytime that I fall, something that I have proven to be true a hundred of times.

After a few more minutes, Kim said something that really got my attention. The Star card was present in my deck, signifying a new inspiration in my life. She said that it was coming soon in the form of a new friend or more. That somehow lit one of the proverbial candles in me. For the past weeks I have been struggling, coping even, with life. I'm slowly recovering and soon I'll be myself once again with the help of my family and friends. When I heard this piece of news, I was altogether happy and frightened. Happy because I would get again a new inspiration in my life; frightened because it would be a new chapter in my life.

I think I have found him. My Star. My inspiration. I see him everyday when I have classes and every smile and hello that I get would immediately brighten up my day. I'm still treading slowly, trying to gauge everything. I don't want to make hasty decisions.

Every night I look up at the stars, trying to count them. Now when I look up, I know somewhere he's also under that same sky.

My falling star. I'm looking for you.

Someday you'll be mine.

Why does life become complicated when we get older? Aaron said its because our pile of responsibilities grow as we age. Come to think of it, when we were kids, all we ever thought about was keeping the balloon that our parents snagged for us from a birthday party in our hands, or keeping our faces clean after eating ice cream, or making sure that we don't trip ourselves and fall down on our faces in front of our friends. Simple, sometimes candid, stuff. But now that I got older, I found out that there's more to life's responsibilities than wiping away sticky ice cream remains from the corners of my mouth.

In the past couple of weeks, my life has been a whirlwind of deadlines, requirements and emotions. By just saying the word "THESIS" makes me morph into a undecipherable, stuttering monster that foams at the mouth with the thought of the revisions that I have in store for me. Add my reports, papers and exams for my two other subjects. Total chaos. I usually would rant at the workload given to us but now, I've been asking myself what good would it do to rant? I would only be wasting precious time (and saliva) in doing so, when I could put all of the effort in making (and beating) the deadlines. Kabam. Responsibility. Things wouldn't have gotten this hectic and compressed if I worked on my papers on time. Before I could blame a thousand people why I got smothered in papers and readings except myself but now I know that I only have myself to blame. Oh well. I'm already here, right? I just have to make the best of it and pray to God that I finish everything on time.

Congratuations to Kuya Guido, Ate Tess, Carl, Patty and Charisse. Tapos na paghihirap niyo sa school. Goodluck sa working life. Dito lang kami para sa inyo palagi. :) Carl donuts! :)

But floating is what you do. That is beautful, that is you.

It's been a while since I've last updated in here. A lot of things have happened but I'll share them later. I'm just excited at the thought that I'm actually applying for a month-long scholarship in La Universidad de Granada en España. Yes friends. My professor in Spanish, Armis Bajar, urged me to apply for that scholarship. She was a scholar there once, through the Spanish Governemnt's help, and she learned loads of things though she had a hard time understanding the people first. Haa I just hope that my Spanish is enough for me to survive there. I hope I get accepted. :)

Haa FINALS week is fast approaching. The end of another term. And here I am feeling that I have not made the most out of my stay in DLSU. :( I guess I need to explore more, make the most out of the next term, my final term in school.

I'm sorry this is not much of an entry. Dami kasing ginagawa, CrunchTime na for everything. Will update soon. :)

God please protect the Philippines, especially the provinces and cities that will be hit by Tifón Reming. Please protect the people, keep them safe.

Stay indoors and keep warm everybody. We're in for a long stormy weekend.

God Bless+ :)

Yeheee... I am having the most HECTIC time of my life. I'm only sleeping about 3-5 hours/day, my eyebags are so huge, puffy eyes.. but I am having the best time of my life. Really.

Luisen. He's our professor in SPANFOR. As in HAPPINESS!!! :) I had loads of fun under his care last term in SPANTRI, and I'm sure having loads of fun now.

No pretensions or anything. I just want you to know that I'm very happy for you. I hope that you find the peace that you've been looking for.

Vaya con Dios.